A Different Child
by Shannon1991xo
Summary: And if sometimes between the smiles there's a trace of tears, one day you'll understand. There was once another child, a different child who was in their hopes and dreams - A Different Child.
1. one

Her heart aches as she takes a deep breath and makes her way into the soft yellow room. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Reaching up she wipes the tears from her cheeks and makes her way over to the rocking chair. She hesitates before sitting down and resting her hands on her knees. She spent weeks, months even picking out all the colours and the bedding. She dreamt of bringing their child home and putting them to sleep in this nursery. She dreamt of rocking the little one to sleep in the early hours of the morning in this rocking chair. She dreamt of being a mother.

Just forty-eight hours ago she had been happily folding tiny baby grows and placing them in drawers, she had been nagging Elvis to install the carseat and setting up the pram. Just forty-eight hours ago she had been an expecting mother. Now, she has a headache caused by the many tears she's cried, her stomach feels empty and so do her arms. Her body aches the same way it would've done if she had given birth to a living baby and her breasts are filled with milk that she has no use for anymore. She's exhausted, she's in pain and she feels more alone now than she ever has.

A simple growth scan they had called it, told her not to stress out because everything had been going so perfectly with her pregnancy, a text-book pregnancy the nurse said as she read over her file. She'd been excited about the idea of seeing her baby once again, seeing all the tiny features which had developed and grown since their twenty-week scan. On the way to the hospital they'd stopped off at Mothercare and picked out a tiny Winnie the Pooh because despite the fact the baby had more clothes than both of them combined, they simply couldn't resist.

Even going into the scan, they had no idea their world was about to fall apart until the doctor turned to face them, a sympathetic look on his face and uttered those five words she never expected to hear.

 _'I can't find a heartbeat.'_

She was thirty-six weeks pregnant, one week away from being classed as full term and four weeks away from her due date. Just sixteen hours after being told their tiny baby didn't have a heartbeat she gave birth to their beautiful little girl; Millie Grace. They got to spend thirty-two hours just cuddling, kissing and loving their little girl. They spent thirty-two hours being told by each nurse who entered the room that their daughter was beautiful, perfect even. They bathed her, dressed her and took pictures like they would've done if she had taken a single breath. They were her parents even if it was only for thirty-two hours. Millie was blessed while she cradled her in her arms just like she would've done at her christening. She was swaddled in a blanket and kissed a million times before they had to say goodbye; they were never ready to say goodbye.

She should've came home with a baby in her arms instead she walked through the front door carrying a memory box provided by the hospital and a bunch of leaflets on how to get through the next few weeks. They walked through the front door to a house that was so prepared for a baby, a baby who would never come home.

Her heart aches as he makes his way into the room, his own cheeks stained with tears as he sits down on the edge of the table beside the rocking chair. Silently they sit, tears streaming down both their cheeks and her head resting on his knee as he runs his fingers through her hair; it wasn't supposed to be like this.

 **I know this is incredibly short and quite different from how I usually write but I hope you like it. There is a second part which will be uploaded either tomorrow or Thursday.**


	2. two

She can still remember the ache in her heart as she makes her way into the room which was once painted a soft yellow and is now a light grey and white. She can still remember just how empty and alone she felt in the weeks that followed as she spent hour upon hour sitting in the rocking chair clutching the little cream bunny that they'd bought when she was only eight weeks pregnant. She can still remember the feeling that she'd never be happy again, that she'd never smile or laugh again and the overwhelming feeling that she'd never be able to go through another pregnancy. She can remember the guilt she felt at not being able to keep her daughter alive, for weeks she convinced herself that Elvis blamed her for what happened and that one day he'd just leave and never come back. She remembers the sympathetic looks people gave her for months after it happened and she'll never forget how Elvis looked at her like she was broken.

One year ago, she was finally getting back to what felt like a sense of normality, a new normal for them both. She'd finally come off regimental duties and felt ready to go on a tour; a humanitarian mission in Nigeria to train and mentor Nigerians and also work in the outreach facility giving people medical help that they so desperately need. She and Elvis got married in a small, private ceremony which meant the absolute world to her to finally be able to call herself Mrs Harte. On what would've been Millie's first birthday they got tattoos of her tiny footprint on the space right above their hearts. They kept the day simple; had a balloon release with close family and friends whilst remembering their little girl and all the love that surrounded her. Her heart ached that day but she couldn't deny the fact that she felt so loved seeing so many people who loved her daughter.

Now she sits in the same rocking chair with tears streaming down her cheeks as her heart once again aches for Millie who would've turned two tomorrow; her heart longs for all the new milestones they would've experience with their little girl this year and all the things she wishes she could whisper to her whilst she sleeps. Her body aches with even the slightest movement and her stomach feels so empty. She can't help but think that things feel so similar to this time two years ago but at the same time they feel so different and as she stares down at the tiny bundle curled up against her chest, she knows her heart has never felt so full.

Never in a million years did she expect those two blue lines when she tooks that test as part of her medical before going to Nigeria. She spent the entire pregnancy worrying about everything that could go wrong, unlike with Millie she refused to buy absolutely anything and booked more private scans than you could even count. Many nights she woke in a cold sweat as she dreamt of losing this baby just like they'd lost Millie. At 5:34am, two days before Millie's second birthday, Phoebe Grace was born at exactly thirty-seven weeks weight 6lbs 8oz. She's never forget that moment when the doctor lifted the newborn onto her chest with the biggest smile on his face and uttered those words she longed to hear.

 _'_ _Congratulations, mummy… You've got a beautiful, healthy baby.'_

With brown wispy hair like her daddy and her mummy's eyes, Phoebe is practically perfect in every way. She uses her finger to gently run down the sleeping baby's cheek as he makes his way into the room with a bottle of water. He sits down on the edge of the table beside the rocking chair exactly like he did two years ago only this time she glances up at him with a small smile on her face.

'It's different this time.' He almost whispers. Taking a deep breath she nods her head and smiles because it is different this time and nothing will ever be the same.


End file.
